Remember the good times

For the one who has departed, remember the joy, the laughs, the funny looks, the fur, the wake-ups early in the morning, the nibbles. Her running away from people, and her appreciating things, people, tickles and strokes. Everything. Remember her as a baby. As a teen. As a grumpy old girl. As your friend.

Forever.

She hasn’t and won’t forget you. She looks down upon you now.

Snoozing on a cushion.

Cash for Gold? Gold For Cats?

And they buy any cats too! In any condition! One for you, the ex!

http://www.webuyanycat.com/

And no, I wasn’t wanting to sell Daffy. Honest.

Fecking idiots

So you are a scientist. So what do you spend your time doing? Finding a cure for cancer? Inventing the perpetual motion engine and thus giving the world free energy? How about a top secret volcanic island with a space ship?

No, you go wasting 3 1/2 years working out how cats can drink milk without getting their fucking chins wet!

Fuck!

Knowing the size and speed of the tongue, they were able to calculate a mathematical formula involving the Froude number – a dimensionless number that characterises the ratio between gravity and inertia.

For cats of all sizes, that number is almost exactly one, indicating a perfect balance.

Well fuck yes! How did they get the funding for this shit? How does that help anything or anybody whatsoever??????

And it gets worse….

The team also created a robotic cat's tongue to explore different methods of lapping.

Mathematician Jeffrey Aristoff said: "The amount of liquid available for the cat to capture each time it closes its mouth depends on the size and speed of the tongue.

"Our research — the experimental measurements and theoretical predictions — suggests that the cat chooses the speed in order to maximise the amount of liquid ingested per lap.

A robotic fucking tongue? Fuck the fuck off! And of course the cat will do what it can to get the most milk per lap. I could have told you that with no funding.

Arseholes!!!

Animal Watch : With ARM

Hello boys and girls. Today I am going to show you how many animals you can stuff into a small 3 bedroom house before the RSPCA turn up and take them all down to the glue factory.

So, how many will it take?

For example, take this house, which we’ll call ARMville which is occupied by The Man, The Woman, The Big Girl and The Little Girl.

They have:

4 rabbits, 4 cats, 2 rats, 2 hamsters and 3 “dwarf” hamsters. Oh, and a fish.

They are looking to add an indeterminable number of guinnea pigs.

Will this tip the balance?

Bloody Cats!

What is it with these damned creatures? My wife, bless her cotton socks, has 3 cats. One of them is called Vixen. She's black with white tummy. One of them is called Dora. She is black. And one of them is called Daffodil. She is black.

Can I tell them apart? Can I hell? Why didn't she buy different coloured cats, each with their names tattooed in different fluorescent ink so they are visible in the dark?


        
The cats seem to enjoy a multitude of exciting activities such as:

1. Killing birds early on Monday morning so when I get up early to go to work I am confronted by bird heads, legs and assorted body parts strewn around the front hall. And as it is Monday morning, I find these delightful offerings with my feet, in the dark. Lovely.
   
2. Sleeping on various steps so that I am almost killed falling down the stairs. Evil creatures.
3. Jumping on my head from the middle of nowhere when I am watching a scary film. It certainly livens procedings up!
4. Sitting on my keyboard and sending weird messages to my boss.
5. When I'm playing a particularly good FPS (that's a 1st person shooter PC game...) one or more of the creatures will appear, bite my foot and then spend the next 20 minutes showing me their arses. Yeah, thanks for that, you cat!
6. Eating.
7. Farting.
8. Crapping in other people's gardens.

Although point 8 is probably a good thing, the bad thing is that all the other neighbourhood cats do exactly that, and this ends up with some other people's evil cats crapping in MY garden.