Sunday, 9 November 2008

We're on Holiday (pt 3)

7th November:

Our aim for today was to see the Magical Kingdom fireworks and parade (kicking off at 8pm) so we didn't leave our Villa until around lunchtime. On way to the parks we popped into McDonalds. Ha. Well, you have to, don't you? Tell you what... their "large" is bloody enormous. The coke "cup" had about 1 litre of stuff in it. The chips were frigging plentiful. My wife had the "regular" which is equivalent to our large back home. Pity the "Southern Style Chicken" was mank as hell.

Back to the Magical Kingdom (or is it the Magic Kingdom? Who knows!) again. This time to see the Fairies. Queue time was 75 minutes for about 5 minutes of Fairy action. Bloody hell, I hate the queues. Our two girls fidgit enough as it is, but getting them to queue for what, for them, seems to be an eternity was stressful.

The Parade was really good. We bagged our spot about 30 mins before it started so were right at the front. The Disney reps kept the kids entertained with various games etc. Both girls really excited when their favourite characters went past and got waved to and kisses blown. Pity that the fireworks were delayed due to "unforeseen circumstances" which we stuck around for a bit until giving up and going home. Typically, when we got to the Monorail station the circumstances were resolved. Bah. We'll go another day.

8th November:

Epcot. Oh fuck. Well, anyway, we got on the Test Track attraction which was really good (8/10). And saw "Honey I shrunk the Audience" 3D film thing (5/10). Also went on the Nemo ride and saw a real life Manatee afterwards. It was eating lettuce. Awesome. Apparently they taste really good with plenty of ketchup.:)

Kids managed to find the "character" area which meant a 30 minute queue again. I must say that Goofy was a particularly miserable little shit today. Maybe his girlfriend was on the blob or something.

Neither of the kids wanted to go on the Space mission thing, which was a bit disappointing. Big wimps. And the "Soarin'" queue was for 90 minutes which was too bloody long. We never went to the "World Showcase" section, where the various chosen countries get to promote their best bits. Have been warned that bit was even crappier. For example, the best we can do in Great Britain is "Harry Ramsdens Fish and Fucking Chips (tm)" in some sort of east end pub. And a "meal" costs something like $25 a head. Fuck that.

On the escape out of the park at around 3pm the queues around "Spaceship Earth" were down to 15 minutes (from the previous 2000 years) so we went on that. Very darkly lit and ultimately shite. Unless you are a big fan of Dame Judy Dench in which case get on there!

Both girls also managed to drop their Raspberry Slush drink on the floor. The first drop managed to get a full 500ml of sugary gunk exploding all over the wife's clothes which, I think, ultimately made her day.

Friday, 7 November 2008

We're on Holiday (pt 2)

6th November:

Went back to the Magical Kingdom today, went on the much vaunted and big wait time "The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh" - er. Get the lawyers involved pronto tonto! Utter pants. 50 minute wait to go round a short track with a vague Pooh (in both senses of the word) theme. It was only livened up to slight coma level by the ride breaking down at the exit and thus terrifying the kids into thinking they would have to spend more time on it. Avoid this ride at all costs. "Many" implies more than 1. This ride had none! 0/10

Peter Pan's flight was just the same, except darker and with a crocodile type of theme. Wife got scared because of the "floating over London" bit. But since it didn't have bloody Pooh in it then gets a 1/10 rating.

Mickey's PhilharMagic 3Dmovie thing was good. Same type of special effects as the "Bugs Life" movie. I like these sorts of things therefore it gets a 7/10. Definitely worth seeing.

The Barnstomer at Goofy's Wiseacre Farm is a kiddies rollercoaster. Rather short, not much in the way of death-defying drops. But good for big wimps. 3/10.

Splash Mountain is, as the name suggests involves mountains and water. A nice big drop at the end, you don't get that wet and it has an annnoying "Brer" theme. Kids love it. Went on 5 times over 2 days. 7/10.

Big Thunder Moutain Railroad is fun. Like the Barnstomer but for adults this time. Not overly fast but chuffing fun none the less. Our big girl hated it as it has a dark section, but little one loved it as she is "not scared of anything, Daddy!" 7/10

Toontown Hall of Fame Tent is where you get to meet the Disney Princesses and somesuch other things. Girls loved it. I think this was their best bit so far as they got to spend a few minutes with each of the 3 princesses, privately without hoards of onlookers. If it wasn't for the annoyingly long queue it would get a 10, so 9/10 for this one.

Stitch's Great Escape is in the Futureland bit of the park. No queueus and no Fastpass available. Hmm. I wonder why? Maybe because it is shit. 1/10. Would have got zero but it didn't have Pooh in it.

Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin is an interactive shooty game. You get guns (good), the ability to spin your pod around the place like a muppet (good) and points. A bit short (only 3 or 4 minutes in the game itself shooting stuff) and some nice special effects towards the end. 7/10

Thursday, 6 November 2008

Holiday Disasters

1) Car overheated on way to airport. Will we be able to get home...?
2) Heated pool in Villa broken. Won't be fixed for a few days. Kids pissed off. Me pissed off. The Wife (tm) pissed off.
3) How many toilet trips do women/girls actually bloody need?????
4) Youngest helpfully locked all of the internal doors (from the inside) on day 2. Came home to find we couldn't do Jack. Toilets? Nope. Bedrooms, nope, locked also. Luckily a nice neighbour helped out with one of those funny keys that you need. Our Villa owners had the key stored *inside* one of the lockable rooms. Nice thinking!

Stay tuned for more disasters!


Pool out of action due to broken heat exchanger. Parts not available for 8 weeks. Pissing bastard twat buckets! The water is so cold that nobody can use the thing. Everybody severly pissed off and wanting to punch holes in the walls.

We're on holiday!!

Yes, we've finally arrived and had 3 days in the park and my wife has had her 40th birthday! Can I go home now? No. Not yet. Another 14 days to go!

Here's the story thus far...

2nd Nov : Travel to airport.

Ok, kids excited. Left on time. So far so good. Read the instructions on how to get to airport parking. They were wrong. Ended up asking directions from another airport parking place. They had a huge bundle of "How to get to the other airport parking place cos their instructions are crap" fliers. Finally arrive at the parking place only to find out that the car is overheating.Effing great. Just make it into the BA part of the airport with 1 hour to go. Check in was very good. Very fast. Well done BA! Flight leaves bang on time. Reasonable food. TV entertainment was ok (Wife loved "Mama Mia!" Arrived in Orlando on time. Immigration was great. Friendly guys there corrected the mistakes on my Visa Waiver form etc. Got free upgrade to rental car.Got a Chrysler 300, whatever that is. It's huge. Comes with its own swimming pool and helicopter landing pad. Drove to the villa in Davenport. It's amazing, but the amount of people who drive on the wrong side of the road and who keep meeping their horns. Arrive at villa. Everybody knackered and falls asleep immediately.

3rd November & 4th November:

Woke up and went to Animal Kingdom. Various stuff to do. Liked the Safari, the various 3d type shows (It's tough to be a bug is fantastic!), Kali river rapids (you will get soaked!), and Dinosaur! are great. The worst was the global warming place called Rafiki's Planet Watch. Urgh. Various other things were good but there is a definite Greenie theme going on. Supposedly the weakest park in the portfolio.

5th November:

Big 40th Birthday for The Wife (tm). Went to the Magical Kingdom. Much more fun. There's a number of rollercoasters (went on the Big Thunder Mountain Railway, still have to go on Space Mountain), a log flume ride called Splash Mountain, a couple of 3D things. Once of which is the "Mickey's PhilharMagic" thing. Good 3D effects. Would love to know how they do it.I'm pretty red/green knackered but even I managed to see everything. For some reason, the Peter Pan ride (which was pretty overrated IMO) had a wait time of 50 mins! Kids met Belle and Belle (mine) queued up after the storytime to "meet" her. She loved it. Saw the daytime parade. Kids were overwhelmed! It is certainly a big thing!