Tuesday, 31 December 2013

Happy 2014

If you have happiness, then bloody well hold onto it. Don’t let it slip.

And, as I’m probably in the very very exciting Norbury Pub for some reason, then please let me go home before 4am so I can luxuriate in the nice new memory foam mattress that arrived today. We have a nice big joint of the beefs for dinner, you know.

And I’m going to be having a party around February time. And for good reason!



Tuesday, 10 December 2013

Tube Drivers get Bonus!


So they are supposed to be working on Boxing Day as well. My poor Clare is working Christmas Day and Boxing Day. And she pays tax on reclaiming her taxi fares.

The lovely tube drivers get a nice deal, don’t you think?

As far as I am concerned, they are very very very overpaid and the sooner they are replaced by electronics the better.



Oh that reminds me of this:



Always good for a laugh…..

Sunday, 8 December 2013

All in it together–Yeah.

As our useless overlords in Parliament pronounce they are shocked, I tell you, that they are being forced to accept a 11% increase in their salaries, they say that they won’t take this. Or at least two of them do. Meanwhile, they are very cross with it all, as these pictures illustrates quite nicely:



Makes you want to hang the fuckers from lampposts, doesn’t it?

But to cheer you up, here’s a picture of Boris:


Good old Boris.

What a spastic.

Wednesday, 13 November 2013

Dead Cyclists

Well, my girlfriend was seriously delayed going to work on Tuesday following an “accident” between a cyclist and a bus. Guess who won?

I’m not being fatuous.

Check out the pics and also a very telling comment…



Yes, the cyclist cut across in front of the bus.

Probably didn’t want to use the cyclepath that was available and too keen to get to where he wanted to go that he risked death… and lost.

Tuesday, 12 November 2013

Oh do fuck off!



Seriously, what planet do these arseholes live on.

Wednesday, 6 November 2013


Now, although I think cyclists are completely evil and deserve everything they get, I do have to chuckle about this NY guy making a rather good point….

As they say, you must “ALWAYS RIDE IN THE BIKE LANE”….


Ho ho ho.

Monday, 4 November 2013

No more sucking!

Yep, the lovely overlord masters of the EU are telling us we can’t have nice vacuum cleaners anymore. According to the papers, the maximum power for things that keep our homes nice and clean is to be reduced to 900 watts.


Next up will be kettles. Yep, our fast boil kettles will be reduced to those rubbish travel ones that takes about 30 minutes to heat up a small cup of water, by which time you have given up on tea and hit the gin.

Sunday, 1 September 2013

Been a bit quiet recently

Sorry about that. Just lots of fun and stuff happening. Parties, swimming in the sea, that sort of thing.

Still hope to announce something very very important soon.

Stay tuned!

Thursday, 13 June 2013

Isn’t Being a Leftie Nice….?

Only at least 95 million killed. Much more than the Nazis, who were also lefties, but for some reason classified as Right Wing.


Click the above for more info.

Anyway, there you go.

And if you want more numbers, check here it’s much much worse.

Saturday, 18 May 2013

Total Recall

I don’t like to swear, you know I don’t. But fucking hell what the arsebiscuits have they done to the “remake” of the classic film?

image vs image

They say they “reimagined” it. Oh god they really did a good job on that front, I can tell you. Imagine all the best bits from the Arnie film, all the sarcastic lines, the violence, JohnnyCabs and the relentless persecution of the Martian mutants.

Got that?


Now replace all those with a pile of steaming shite that has nothing to do with mars or mutants but instead a completely bullshit pile of drivel about only two places left on the planet after somebody left a can of baked beans open in the fridge too long: New Federation of Britain, and The Colony. The Colony being Australia. And linked to the former by a bloody tunnel through the earth’s core no less that people commute through to work building robots that have been lifted straight from I, Robot but only more shit.

The girl with the three boobies was introduced about 10 minutes into the remake. Why? I don’t fucking know. The original you could say yes she was mutated and thus had more boobies, but why now? Is it a fashion statement or something? Original he was in a sleazy bar, full of mutated Martians. The new one just came up to him in a future Tescos and flashed him some tits. WTF?


Me, a prefer the original boobies (right hand pic). The new boobies look very saggy. A lot like the script.

And the special effects, although far more swish in this new version, are completely fucking pointless. They are only there to make you go “Oh, a special effect. How marvellous” rather than actually meshing with the plot.

Oh, the plot. Fuck that, the producers/writers must have thought. Let’s just have Colin Farrell, who obviously did something very very bad and has to do community service to pick up this piece of shit voluntarily, running around like a spastic. Completely unable to act. The new Lori, the lovely Kate Beckinsale, must have been really really really desperate for film time. The original had no qualms in killing off Sharon Stone’s version about 3/4 way through. Now they have to keep everybody alive until the end.

And Cohagen? Original, a true bastard; a manipulating scheming son of a bitch. The new one? Oh, I forgot. He was so tame and bland I would rather force my face into a threshing machine than actually waste 5 minutes looking up the arsehole’s name.

And the rebel leader? Yes, Bill Nighy. Yep, and when he got killed I was so happy, mainly because the film was nearing the end.

Strapline on new film should have read: “Is it real or is it recall? no, neither, it’s shite”

Would I pay good money for this remake? No way. Utter shitey bollocks.

Tuesday, 7 May 2013

Big Poo!

So, how long have you sat on the bog, maybe surfing or playing WordFeud? 20 minutes? Half an hour?

How long do you think it possible before your partner gets concerned with your toilet sitting antics?

Try this one:        image

Yes. 2 Years.

It gets worse:

"She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body," said Bryan Whipple, the sheriff of Ness County. It appeared Pam Babcock's skin had grown around the toilet seat, he added. "It is hard to imagine. ... I still have a hard time imagining it myself."


At what point do you call somebody? I mean I do tend to sit on the bog for a while, playing games and reading blogs etc. But for fucks sake, what the hell is going on here!???

Shoving pizzas under the door and asking occasionally?

Must be some sort of spaz relationship.

But I think we need to know is where did he go to do a poo over the last 2 years? Out of the window or something??????

Wednesday, 1 May 2013

More Global Warming Bollocks

Courtesy of a bunch of completely insane politicians over in the US comes this bombshell bollocks:



So global warming now forces women into prostitution.


Insanity details at The Register

Wednesday, 17 April 2013

Cyclist Scum

I’ve just thought of the reason why average speeds in London have dropped so much over the last few years : Cyclists.

Obvious, isn’t it?

Buses are stuck behind fat-arsed wobbly cyclists doing 8mph.

Of course, the average speed of a cyclist is much higher, because they ignore inconvenient things like RED LIGHTS, ONE WAY STREETS and cycle like a bastard on the pavements all the time.

Each day I get the bus from London Bridge to Liverpool Street and each day I am astounded that more of the bastards aren’t killed each day. They weave in an out of traffic, on the left, the right, on the pavements, through red lights etc.

Look at these twats:

Friday, 12 April 2013

She’s dead. And now what?

Ok, Margaret Thatcher is now dead. What a shocker that was. The mad lefties would expect her to live forever on the spleens of young virgins, I suppose.

But no, they are now trying to uprise against the evilness, if you could call it that, of having your life to yourself, without having to consult your local Union Representative.

So, Saturday:

Poll Tax riots again in London town. WTF is that all about? What the hell will it achieve except to show the “demonstrators” to be a bunch of cunts? Luckily my Clare isn’t working that day.

Of course, the vast vast majority of the unwashed at these places will be born outside of Thatcher’s years of direct influence. But that doesn’t matter, does it? No, let’s have fucking riot with lots of looting. If some mad black drug dealer kicks off a load of riots then what for this? God, I’d have armed the police with shotguns and told them there’s a bonus for each fucker they kill….

So, in summary, a nice riot or 4 or 90 celebrating the death of somebody they never knew. Lovely, isn’t it? Free shoes and TVs. Yay!

Commie wankers.

From whatever happens to the actual burial on Wednesday, I shudder to think. The whole world will be looking at us. What will we be showing them? A dignified (and suppressed if you are of that nature) event, or a bunch of baying leftie bastard scum? I reckon the latter.

But prove me wrong - - please.

Friday, 22 March 2013

On Cyprus


Luckily I have fuck all money in the bank, so they can steal away to their heart’s content. They’ll get exactly what they deserve : Fuck All.

Saturday, 23 February 2013

UK Debt

So, we’ve now lost our “coveted” AAA rating. About time too. Why? What with all the CUTS? Surely our debt must be going down, yes? Those poor teachers having to teach sitting in a hole in the ground, the hospitals A&E wards closing, hundreds of thousands of lesbian outreach co-ordinators being sacked*, council services such as bin collections now being on a “can I be arsed” basis?


Little bit here, guys. The DEFICIT is the rate of increase in debt, not the total amount of debt. Or even repaying some of it. Oh no.

Anyway, what are their plans exactly? Nope, I can’t think of any, can you?

So, how goes the DEFICIT… Must be flat, surely, or coming down a bit.


Oops. Nope. It’s going up and up and up and up. And this is per month.

I wish there were some cuts.




*er, no. We have more of them. They are core services.

Saturday, 26 January 2013

Antisocial Mediator Convicted of Homophobic Abuse

Oh, you really can’t make this stuff up, can you?


Lovely woman, don’t you think?

I wonder what sort of qualification you need to be employed by an “Antisocial Behaviour Mediator” in Thornton Heath these days?

Maybe she thought she had to be a truly antisocial mediator of behaviour?

Thursday, 24 January 2013

“Tax everything!” The French say.

For God’s sake.


The above comes from The Register who report that the deranged French socialists want to tax internet providers for hosting “data” by which they mean stuff like photos and facebook status updates.

Is there nothing these mental lefties won’t do? They’re already busy getting rid of all the money earners in their country by trying to tax them to death, and now they want to tax their own citizens to death for using facebook. Oh, but it is facebook who will pay the tax, they cry. Will they fuck.

Do these politicians ever question their own sanity? I know I fucking do!

Wednesday, 23 January 2013

Promise of another EU Referendum?

Yeah, right.

Camer-mong, you must think so so little of the pathetic pricks who accidentally voted you, and your quisling twat Clegg, into power that you think they cannot remember what you promised them last time?

Remember, you cretin?


Not very cast iron, is it, you patronising twerp?

Oh, but now what is it he’s promising?


Oh yes, another promise of a cast iron referendum. FFS. Are we so fucking stupid to believe this idiot? Who cares about Milliverse, or whatever his name is. He’s going to be elected as PM of wherever because the mad monkeys there would elect a Tourettes suffering giraffe with a red rosette.


Oh fuck off. You are nothing but a dissembler.  You tefal-headed arsebiscuit!

So, how long do we have to wait? 4 fecking years? And after the general election where the twats will just place an X next to the party they always have and always will do?


Camer-mong has no intention of leaving the EU (that’s where he will end up anyway, as a heavily paid twatty person like Blair has got himself with the UN), or giving us, the people, a decision.

My girlfriend is a bit leftie, but she has a good soul so you can forgive her for thinking that such a MONUMENTAL decision as to whether we should indeed be asked whether we should have the ability of deciding our own fate and future as so beyond us that our so trusted duck-pond fucking politicians should do it all for us. After all we are just plebs, right? No, I must herefore and forthwith disagree. Where the fuck do we stop on that path? “Oh no, that criminal trial is a bit to complex for the xfactor bred arsewanks and therefore just the judge must decide!”, “Oh dear, somebody said something about you but none of us can back anything up so therefore you must fall down these stairs, as you are brown!”. Why bother with anything? If the masses say “I want to be a slave and have no fucking freedom, but thank you so very much for asking me twice or three times” – like Ireland did, well that’s your fucking bed and you better get comfortable in it because that’s where you’ll be, for the rest of your life, with your arse in the air hoping that you don’t get raped TOO much.

She does like Michael Collins. The Irish revolutionary. Of course, he knew his people wanted freedom. He’s currently spinning so fast in his grave that he is current powering most of western Europe with power. Which given the deranged decisions to go for ECO power, is just as well, as otherwise we’d all be fecking dead!

Have you noticed that even when the most Europhile nations have been given a vote they have said “FUCK OFF!!!”? But no, nobody cares a damn.

It’s all going to end with bloodshed, oh yes.

http://eureferendum.com/  < if you can be daring enough!

Sunday, 20 January 2013

Snowball Warming


Just a reminder that with Global Warming the chance of anybody ever seeing snow in the UK is zero.


Have they really been banging on about this total deception for 13 fucking years? And how much has it cost us, in both monetary terms and also lives since then?

Oh, wait a second. An hour after the above picture we now see this:


And the snowfall has increased…

Saturday, 12 January 2013

More and More tax….

The wondrous government that nobody voted for has decided the create a minumum state pension.

This means that I, and millions of me, will have to pay EVEN MORE for scrounging bastards who have paid bog all or nothing.



So that’s around £600 a year more in tax I will have to pay. Where is it coming from, I wonder?


So, what shall I cut down on?

  • Food
  • Heating
  • Visiting the girls
  • Presents

Perhaps Camer-mong will like to let me know. I’ve got fuck all to live on for the next two weeks. Thanks to this extra tax for the indolent, I will have 2.5 weeks of bugger all?

The tefal-faced potato wanker!

Racist Black Guy in Thornton Heath Shocker!

Clare and I were waiting for a bus at Thornton Heath (opposite the Tescos) and there was an elderlyish black guy there advertising his disco DJ services. He did this by having a large stack of speakers, on top of which was taped a car stereo. Nice. Class. Not only was the Reggae being pumped out by a constantly skipping CD player, the guy was also not very familiar with how it was supposed to be working.


A few Asian (i.e. Pakistani) guys sauntered past and our man decided to inform them that they were “blud clart!” and “stink” in a heavy Jamaican accent. As they turned the corner, he shouted that they should go “home” and this was England. He also disapproved of their presence and let his opinion be known.

Luckily, the bus turned up and we boarded.

The guy, after pressing and fiddling with his car stereo, decided that the elderly Indian lady on the bus needed a lesson in cultural enrichment and proceeded to point his hand like a gun at her and inform her of her “blud clart” status.

But none of that was racist, you see. Nope. Only white people are racist.

Wednesday, 9 January 2013

5 years!!

Just looking at my thingy, as one does, I see that I am almost 5 years old in the blog thingy. Bloody hell! The birthday is 9th Feb 2013.

How much has happened since then…

  • More scum
  • Illiteracy
  • Rants
  • New life & Girlfriend

Madness, I tell you! Madness!

Wednesday, 2 January 2013

Tuesday, 1 January 2013

It’s 1st January 2013–Time for Easter!

Spotted earlier this afternoon when we went to local Tesco to get some groceries… the great putting out of the Easter stuff has begun.


The above eggs and coins were to be placed next to the Lindt chocolate rabbits.

For fuck’s sake!