Friday, 30 December 2011

Three Hundred and Sixty Five… give a bit.

A year. If you had told me what I have experienced these last 365 days I would have looked at you in "that" way. But, by God, what has happened is destined. I must have been. The likelihood of everything falling into place so _perfectly_ - I mean, what's the chance of that?

To Clar ni Broin, I love you. I always loved you - but I just hadn't met you. You are my one and all. My love. My life. We will be with other forever, and then that extra day.....

I remember looking at the tree in what was my back garden back in 2010, as it shed its leaves. Looking up towards the sky, the clouds above and looking all fluffy. I said to myself that I would never see that sight again. I would be elsewhere. Sad as it is to take that big step into the future, one that I wasn’t entirely sure I should want to take, but I knew I had to. For all our sakes. From that tree was my picture, on my birthday. From there onto teh interwebs, And from there was Clar ni Broin. In the garden of the holy nuns.

Now, I can see the horizon, with the blinding light of the rising sun. Walking forward, arms outstretched. Enormous smile. Heart beating fast. Full of love. At last.

To you, Clare.

I come.

Wednesday, 28 December 2011

Xmas thoughts....

Well, thats Xmas all done and dusted and it is almost time to think about returning home and getting my work stuff cleaned and ironed for tomorrow.

So, what's been going on then? Well, aside from having lots of fun with the family, opening non-tea-based presents and spending all of yesterday in a post-fluffy miasma, quite a bit actually.

It is coming up to our first anniversary together and that's a very important occasion. There is a lot to celebrate, much to smile about!

So, 2012.... If i thought 2011 was life-changing, 2012 will be even more!

Sunday, 18 December 2011


Just a reminder to check out some more of the more amazingly idiotic language abuse.

Check out my tag: illiterassay isn't it!

The Miliband

What are Labour thinking? I mean, not only have they completely buggered up the economy, leaving mountains of debt that is eye-wateringly enormous, they seem to have put the biggest twat on the throne since Michael Foot.

Enter left, Mr Edward Miliband.


The man is a joke.


What a twat.

Anybody voting for the Tories, the Liebour or the Limp Dems deserve nothing but contempt.

And a nice smack in the chops!

Monday, 12 December 2011

God Damned Uplifting!

Ok, for my fan (well, presumably there must be one…. although my girlfriend says all my stuff sounds the same…..)

A lovely uplifting tooon. One of his Colin’ness on Teh Inderwubs

I am here…..



Never have I felt like this. Best listened to by hearing Coldplay’s “Paradise”…..

Thursday, 1 December 2011

Well and truly fucked!

Well, with the press seemingly intrigued with Mr Clarkson’s comments that striking public sector workers should be taken outside and shot in front on their families (er, nobody seeing this as some mad quip that Mr Clarkson seems to make all the time when screwing women other than his wife?)? Taking this seriously? The Prime Minister making apologies on some BBC chat show about it?

Fuck off. Seriously.

There are much more serious matters out there : the impending collapse of the Euro. Try reading Zero Hedge for what is really happening!


This really is one of those Nero Fiddled While Rome Burned type of things, isn’t it? Bread and Circuses.

Still, at least there are lots and lots and lots of lampposts. I presume there is also copious amounts of piano wire or just a few hundred furlongs of hemp.

Time will tell…..

Wednesday, 30 November 2011

Definitely not one of my five a day

Had a truly yummy dinner. And those mental doctors and meddling politicians can go and get stuffed!

Saturday, 26 November 2011

Employees of The State

Always complaining about everything. How hard they work. How lowly paid they are compared to the evil private sector. How they MUST strike to get their pension.


Ok, they’ve been PROMISED a pension of this and that. Just like everybody in the country was promised a referendum about he Lisbon Treaty. It was in cast iron, you know.

What happened?

We got fucked over.

Now, it’s your turn to get fucked over. Like my pension was. When Gordon the Brown nicked a load of it. The bastard.

Go on, why not try an indefinite strike? As you are SOOOOOO needed I am sure the public will be screaming out for you to be paid what you are worth.

Friday, 25 November 2011

Pubic (sic) Sector Strikes!

Yes, we are now facing unprecedented strike action from the much loved public sector, with their iron-plated pensions. So, how will you be coping with the lack of diversity outreach co-ordinators, gay leisure directors and the ever vigilant social workers on 30th November?

Calling the police to report a burglary? No problem at al. Why? Well, with all the call staff sunning themselves in Brighton the police will be drafting in replacements….. PCs. Yes. So the police are manning the phones and then… um. Well, there’ll be nobody on the street to follow up.

So don’t go getting mugged or anything.

Mind you, if you break the law in a heinous and quite frankly evil way (say by parking where you aren’t supposed to or burping in an offensive manner) then the attack helicopter gunship will machine-gun your ass!

Or donkey.

Oh, and don’t forget the miners. Who?

Tuesday, 22 November 2011

Still Awake

Well, it’s coming up to 01:30 and I have to get up at 07:00. Can’t sleep. Must blog. Why? Well, I’m just full of energy. Sleep means nothing to me anymore. Only love does. And she is snuffling away on our bed. So cute. I love the fupping.

Come with me.

To the future.

Tuesday, 15 November 2011

Oh such lyrics!

I’ve waited so long to feel it….

The night of my dreams, you still belong.

The moments we have between us, I now know love is meant to be there. And now that it has come.. don’t ever part.

I don’t want to be here tonight, alone, now that I’ve found you…




And who says hardcore is awful, with lyrics like that.

Waiting for Godot

Hurry up, please. No more procrastination.

Her lawyers are ignoring my letters.

Just post the documents. I don’t care what you say I am, I just want free.


Oh, or was it buswankers?

Anyway, the tube “drivers” (i.e. they push a lever forward and backward and occasionally shout incomprehensible bollocks over the tannoy system) are threatening a strike on Boxing Day this year unless they get paid a fair wage.

What, almost £40k a year for a 32 hour week isn’t enough?


So the scrounging wankstains want 3x pay AND a day off in lieu. For working 1 day.

Well, I say TFL tell them to go fuck themselves. Anybody striking gets fired. And replaced by a computer.

Fucking leftie twats.

They don’t see that their biggest enemy isn’t their employers, but their own unions.

Remember the miners? No? Well, there you go.


Sunday, 13 November 2011

Hail to our heroes…


For those who have lain down their lives in defence of our freedoms, our liberties and our future.

Shame upon us who remember not, and those among us who wish to destroy that was fought and died for.

Sunday, 30 October 2011

Cum werk wiv arsz

Yes, the local hardware shop has closed down then re-opened about 3 months later with a bunch of fucking illiterate wankstains.

As wankstains, they are obviously looking to hire the same sort as they are. There are 5 of these hand-scrawled abortions on the windows….



If you want to contact as on those numbers. Please feel free. And plug this blog while you are at it, please. I need the readership!

I had to stop, and take the picture. I’m sorry.

Saturday, 29 October 2011

EU Bailout (yes, again)

The Greeks default – yes, they have. Loads of money for bailing them out. A 50% “voluntary” haircut for private bond holders (such as Greek pension funds….) and this still doesn’t trigger a CDS event? Fuck me.

Anyway, with possible cut in their debt, followed up with a >E100bn loan from the IMF, the Greek economy is still now even more woefully fucked that before. And that’s saying something.

Meanwhile, behind the scenes we have this….


Give us your money within 7 days. You can’t sue us or anybody working for us. We can sue you.

How much longer until we rise up and leave this piece of shit dictatorship????

Saturday, 15 October 2011

Mediation = Casheroonies!

Been invited to mediation sessions on my divorce. Sounds good. You know, independent dudes makings sure everybody agrees to stuff and etc. But, and here’s the rub, those on legal aid (i.e. my ex) get it all free. Me, although I am living from hand to mouth after paying all those debts etc, I have to pay. Oh yes.

According to their website, an average divorce will require about 4 or 5 mediation sessions of 90 minutes each, plus write-up of the agreement which the lawyers will then need to turn into gobbledegook legalese. And those sessions will be costing me about £620 + VAT (20%). And the write-up £80 + VAT.


I am diabetic. If I have to pay this stuff, I won’t be able to afford to eat.

Let’s see how things work out. I’m promised things. Stay tuned.

Bridges for Bats

Luckily for all of us, the money the council you vote for is spending it wisely…. on building bridges for fucking bats!

Yes, those little flying creatures that eat moths and stuff, obviously nature has left a bit of a boo boo in that they need bridges. Yes, flying creatures need bridges. Hmm.


So how does £0.5m of your council tax feel? Upset about the supposed closure of libraries, hospitals, schools etc? Yes, I’m sure you are. You obviously also agree that we need more Climate Change Outreach Co-ordinators and one-legged lesbian basketball facilitators, don’t we?


Easy. Get off your lardy arse and vote for somebody who will make a difference!!!!

Saturday, 8 October 2011

Finally–it has begun

Recently just received a letter from some legal chappies, or chappesses (don’t say I’m sexist!).

Things are now moving, in the right direction. To dissolve that which should never have been.

Keeping details under radar for now.

Won’t be done by Christmas, but hopefully 2012 will be a new year of wonderment, love and eternal happiness.

This tag is henceforth closed until done and, indeed, dusted.

Thursday, 6 October 2011

More Yawny Sayings

“Synchronised Lesbian Pasta”




Redux is a post-positive adjective meaning "brought back, restored" (from Latin reducere, "to bring back")

The above pic was from John’s party in Cappagh.




God, I so hope so.

Luckily, I have don't have spies in the courts, special branch and the local assassins office.

They are all not armed with tipex.


That an voluptuous breasts.


The Human Rights Act

What a load of old shite.

Maybe it has some good intentions, but then, as the man said, the road to hell is paved with those.

Although the papers and the insane carpet-chewing leftie media are going mental about something some lying bastard said about a cat at some group-wank…. the point remains that criminals are seriously taking the piss over this law. Tried to bomb Londoners? Nah. Paeodophiles? Rapists? Illegal scumbags grabbing their share of the leftie money that grows on fucking trees? Nah.

From a complete layman’s point of view, think of it this way. Who is getting seriously fucked over here? The VICTIM? The VICTIM who fights back against the criminals?

Or the POOR SAD CRIMINAL who didn’t really mean to rape, pillage and shite over everything, and now can’t be deported back to the shitty little country he came from because he might get, shock horror, into TROUBLE!


Let’s give the CRIMINAL compensation, and let the VICTIM suffer. Hell, prosecute the VICTIM. For daring to defend himself.

Sunday, 2 October 2011

Cash for Gold? Gold For Cats?

And they buy any cats too! In any condition! One for you, the ex!


And no, I wasn’t wanting to sell Daffy. Honest.

Friday, 30 September 2011

Greeking Hellios

Apparently, the Greek tax people have been a bit buggered in their quest to get more cash from the Greek people. Yes, they have run out of ink to print tax demands.

Is this taking the piss or what?

And although we, in the UK, are not in the Eurozone, we are going to be fucked into next Tuesday to pay for it all.

Thanks Cameron. You wanker.

Thanks Clegg. You twatting fart-sucker.

Thanks Labour. You have done more to fuck this country into next Tuesday than anybody ever – apart from the vile Ted Heath who took us into the fucking system in the first place.

Which is why I say : lampposts and pianowire!

Great new TV show, starring Ant and Dec.

3/4 anniversary

Well, here we are. 9 months in. Almost. And what a wonderful 9 months it has been. I have felt things and done things I never thought possible. I have felt love, real love, for the first time. And bloody hell it is wonderful.

My Clare and I are so in love it makes the tram travellers blush. Each morning, we board the local tram to East Croydon station and snuggle and kiss and whisper how much we love each other. We cling to one another always, regardless of how many people are on board. I can see them looking at us, as I gaze up occasionally from our kisses. They look sort of embarrassed and jealous at the same time. Which is fine my me. Fine by us.

We eat well each night too. Fresh food, cooked with love. Chores split evenly. I cook, she washes, and vice versa. There has never been anything in my life so wonderful as my gorgeous, beautiful Clare. So tall. So sexy. So open. So honest. So trusting. And so wonderful.

Now, I don’t give a flying wossname as to who knows, but things are about to start legally, so with a bit of luck I and her will be us forever soon.

So, nine months in : I love you, Clare.

Here’s to eternity…..


Just hold me now

Ranting over. I’m not giving up on love.


I have the best of all worlds.

A beautiful women who loves me, and whom I love.


Well, that’s it.

I will never ever disappoint you, my darling. Nothing else matters. I’m not giving up on love. I have what I have always craved.

Monday, 26 September 2011

Golly Gosh

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged anything. Much has happened. Much is yet to happen. And much may happen.

With my ex, Christmas will be awkward. I am not welcome to stay a night on the sofa bed so that I may see my girls opening their presents on Xmas day. I must stay in a hotel. That’s £100.

Can’t afford that. Not with her refusal to pay something towards the unauthorised overdraft which is costing £5 a day. I simply cannot pay for any more. I can’t. I try, I want to provide for my girls. It’s my duty as their Dad. They will never know what I have paid for. Expected to pay for. No, no longer. I can’t any more. That pleading for £50 for food because she has run out of money for food. No, sorry. Can’t. You can get a job, I can’t get another one. And why should I? My company has had the rogue trader $2,300,000,000 issue. That means no bonus. No pay rise. Fuck all for me this year for all the hours I’ve put in. So no, I will not be subsidising you anymore. You can walk away from the house, the mortgage, the secured and unsecured loans that I’m paying for. Oh yes. You can be declared bankrupt. Easy for you. You have nothing to lose. That would destroy me. I wouldn’t be able to work anymore in my profession. But believe me, you are jointly liable for it all, so don’t forget that.

Christmas. £100 on hotels I don’t need? Can I afford that? Well, I could, but that would mean not being able to buy my girls any presents. Either way I am the bad Dad who doesn’t care. Well, I’m used to that. One day, one day they will know the truth. I guarantee this.

Is this something really that important? Keeping me out of my own house? That I pay for? What have you done? Tidied it? Cleaned it? Looked after it? Pah. I don’t even have a bloody key.

For what?

Nose. Spite?

I will go up, therefore, on Christmas Eve only, and return to my home the same day. At least I can give my girls some presents but I will miss them on the big day itself. But what does that matter, when you can lord it over the Bad Dad? Still enjoy your dinner, your presents, paid for by the taxpayer. You’re pretty much unemployable now. Wonderful.

My new family have welcomed me whole heartedly. For that I am humbly grateful and honoured. At least I will have a Christmas Day I will be allowed to enjoy.


Love it.

Why does everything need to be so complicated??

And with your refusal to pay anything towards to overdraft, I can’t afford any more to come up to those meetings that are so important. Will they make me choose between their meetings and me seeing my girls?????

I will be writing to social services to explain why I cannot meet them anymore : and it will be down to your inability, your refusal to pay for those things that are keeping that roof over your head. You have no idea, had no idea and never would have any idea how much I have supported you. I no longer can.

You must take responsibility for what you did.

It’s a commandment, after all.

Sunday, 4 September 2011

Message to the World

For my Clare:

Amor meus amplior quam verba est.


Our time will come.


Tuesday, 30 August 2011


And getting better.

8 is a good number. Let’s push it over….

Yes, that’s better.

Saturday, 20 August 2011

Why don’t EU fuck off?

Go shove it up your pipe and salute it, you bunch of communist wankers.




OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!

And where are my politicians? Oh yes, buying duck houses and having their balls waxed on my taxes.

Fuck me.

Monday, 15 August 2011

Saturday, 13 August 2011

The Church


Timed it just right…. between showers.

It’s a lovely church. Felt very humbled again as we walked through it. The front window was especially inspiring….


Bring on the Rain!


It was the bracing wind that made me look a bit “bloated”, honest. This was the southwest part of county Clare. I was already a tad wet.

Still, at least it was light. And not 01:17 after John’s amazing BBQ sausage fest!


I can honestly say that I have been the happiest I have ever been. A fantastic evening out, great company, sausages, etc. Followed by great music, dancing and the best most lovliest company imaginable. If I could smile more, I’m sure my face would have split into two. Me and my Clare, so happy. So looking forward to our future. And so much in love. This is real. Truly. God, I’ve never felt like this ever before. I am so on cloud nine……

And unless Thomas can come up with the photographic evidence, I was definitely not sleeping at 03:00 am. Oh no.

Clare, I love you.

Baby Dolphin! And some caving too!

Managed to bag one.


A great pic of the little baby dolphin in the Shannon. Lots of them everywhere, but very hard to capture on film. A great couple of hours on a little boat. Took a while to find them, but they were following a schooner. Think they probably prefer that to the engine noise.

We then went to a very lovely cave system just outside Doolin, and much better than the Ailwee caves which is more like walking around a concreted place than Doolin, which was bending over a lot, wearing a hard had, and feeling like you were in the Descent film.


Was privileged to see the second biggest stalactite in the world.  100 metres below the surface. With the drip drip drip still making it bigger and bigger.


With the river below it running back to the sea.

It was a truly humbling experience.



Air temperature 17c, water temp slightly more bracing. Was great fun though. Lots of huge waves and no way was I not going to enjoy myself.

And anyway, the weather was breaking from the west.

Drying myself off afterwards in the wind was the coldest I have ever felt. Ever. I almost did a comical falling backing into the sea, which was roaring in.

And Clare laughed herself almost sick.

I was surprised, to say the least too!

Oh yes, let’s learn to dive in Ireland

Especially here:

Ho ho ho ho!


Thursday, 11 August 2011


What is really pissing me off is my girl is having to work longer hours because of these fecking arsehead rioting bastards. My landlord is out of the country for 2 weeks but I’ll hardly see her because of the feckless, arse-faced chimps. I just wish it pours with rain so they stay indoors, the filthy mong-sucking ass-wipes.

I’ll see her tomorrow night, but then not again until next weekend. It’s not good. Especially as we’ve been together for 2 weeks now, and I’ve loved every second.


The lot of them.

CnC, you need to step up and get some live ammo involved. Shoot the bastards!

Except for ginger weirdos hanging around outside your office, natch. Smile with tongue out

Now that’s what I call a lunch!


Nice pub, big food. Lovely beer. Perfect company.

I finished it too!

Award-winning Irish Pub….


Oh dear. Clare and I visited Doolin, and went to the award-winning pub called Gus O’Connor’s.  Quite a famous one in fact.

Very very nice food indeed. Lots of crack. Or is it Craic?

Anyways, I digress….

As this is tagged Illiteracy, there’s a rant coming.

What word, vegetable-related, do you think a famous Irish pub would be able to spell? Think Ireland, think…. potatoes.

So what do they go and do?



A fecking Baked Jacket Potatoe indeed.

God, give me strength!

But, if you ever go, do try the Steamed Mussels – just don’t order anything else, FFS. It is bloody enormous!

If you prefer meaty things, go for the Beef & Guinness Stew. That’s about half a cow.

It’s a Riot!


Excellent commentary from Pat Condell, yet again. Totally spot on.

A very special location indeed


Now that’ll be the Doonbeg golf course “place” up there. To the left is the sea. The track is very popular among 4x4 dudes out for a bit of sight-seeing.

Luckily, they didn’t.

Too rough for the View Larger Map' target=_blank>google-buggy to get to, unfortunately.

Precision mentalism! And an Irish Welcome.


I do hope you don’t forget to keep your dog on a lead. Otherwise it’s a fine of E 1269.74.

And you can see here it’s a straight conversion from the oddly sterling-based fine amount. However, there are plenty of signs that just give the Euro version. How queer.

I wonder if you would have to provide the exact amount?

Anyway, one of the lovely things about Co Clare (and quite possibly other places too, but I’ve not been able to verify this yet) is that you always see little doggy chaps (and quite likely girlies too) trotting around the place, minding their own business. Nobody else in sight. Just a little hairy fellow trotting along to wherever he’s going.

And the other thing is that everything is soooo clean. No rubbish on the streets like over here. No dog poos, piles of vomit or half-consumed kebabs. Nope. Just clean streets.

Ireland is an amazing place, with amazing and very friendly people. I felt at home, with my new family. I’d like to take this opportunity to say thank you Brian & Tina for your welcome and giving up your house. Can’t wait to visit again as soon as possible. It’s quite astounding how at home I felt. Celts together, eh?

“Hello, I’m Colin. I’m not English”. Smile

How welcoming? Well…. for example, I was in O’Neil’s pub during a lock-in, and had to go to the loo. Next to me stood some dude who I didn’t know. He turned to me and said “I hear this is the first time you are in Ireland. How are you finding it?”

I mean, what?

And I definitely DIDN’T fall asleep, ok Thomas? Smile

I was just resting my eyes.

Get your hair’s cut hear!


I’m sure the same guy did the menu at Gus O’Connor’s.

Even Super Valu knows!


I miss the Kimberley biscuits!

Tuesday, 26 July 2011

My angel sleeps…

Unwell, she snoozes. At peace. Dreaming.

I stroke her hair, and gaze lovingly upon her beauty.

Truly, love has come again.

Sunday, 24 July 2011

Early Morning : Lambeth Bridge


07:04 am, Sunday 24/07/2011.

Warm sunshine. No wind.

My soul flies into your embraces, my darling.

Lights! Camera! Trout!

Yes, tonight I will be cooking for my girlfriend. A lovely baked trout with “things yet to be determined”. I’m thinking of one of my dambusters which, as any fule knoe, is a large pepper stuffed with things. Usually spicy things. But will tone down for her pallet. 

This is to say thank you for yesterday’s big birthday dinner….


Lots of lovely bacon, two delish hamburgers, some pigs in blankets and fried potatoes. And the perfectly-cooked egg. Oh and some Champagne*. Nothing but the bestest for me.

Ok, probably not the world’s most healthiest meal, but it was my birthday so shut up! And I needed more zinc in my diet. My body, apparently, is severely zinc deficient now.

Followed by watching “The Hangover” on the telly.

Sad thing was having to wake at 5am to go to work.



* from Spain.

Monday, 18 July 2011

Holy pants! This guy is gooooood!

I’ve never seen such talent before. This guy is amazing!

Saturday, 16 July 2011

Skeleton Key

The key is available. Not contested. Blue sky awaits. A wonderful new life….

Friday, 15 July 2011

The Future Brings…

Aside from the impending market chaos with the Greek, Irish and (so far) Portuguese bailouts/defaults etc, and the tsunami of the aftermath, I am still holding onto the future. For whatever transpires, we will be safe and warm.

Fulda was a wonderful time. Both in seeing John and Nele being married, their first dance together and the big party afterwards… despite the DJ. And of course, us watching the sunrise together afterwards.

A beautiful dawn.

Of a new time ahead. Together.

I’m close to the edge – and I open my eyes. And walk straight ahead. I want to fall all the way down. I want to run when I hit the ground. With you, Clare.

Wednesday, 13 July 2011

An teacht isteach de dhá gcroí


04:51am on the 10th July 2011:

What a lovely sunrise to spend with my girlfriend. After a most fantastic wedding in Fulda, Germany, we went and sat on a bench in the Monastery grounds and watched the sunrise together…

It was a very spiritual occasion.

Eis Kaffee

My girlfriend and I decided to try an Eis Kaffee in Fulda. OMG. It was very very nice!


As you can see here, next to one of those infeasibly tall Weiss bier glasses, the bloody things were enormous!

Still, at least I got my 5 a day with all the fruit. She went for an after eight one. Tsk. Naughty!


Germany. Fulda. Stardate something blah blah.



Now that’s what I call an impressively l-o-n-g word.

I think they mean “Bike Carrier” or something like that.

Monday, 11 July 2011

Doesn’t he smell nice! Smell nice, doesn’t he?

Not that I’m wearing expensive aftershave that my lovely girlfriend bought me for my birthday (yes, an early present!). Mmm. Yummy!

I’d have been happy with just a hug and a kiss.

Still, more than I got for Father’s Day, which was a big bugger all. That, I’m still upset about. But fathers don’t matter, do we?

Sunday, 10 July 2011

Time to go to bed…..

What a night! I think it’s time to go to bed after being chased up the road by gigantic dwarves!

I’m not hallucinating! Honest!

Friday, 8 July 2011

Gosh–a hot date?


Grattings, indeed. And I am happy she is interesting in me. Er.


But looks like I’m not up for it, as she’s gone and emailed a load of other blokes too.

Oh well.


Besides, I have the best girl in the world, who loves me completely and utterly. And I am faithful.

Wednesday, 6 July 2011

Time ticks on

And so forth etc. On Thursday I depart these shores for someplace else. A lovely few days away with the love in my life. And it’s a big occasion, where I meet everybody that is important. I, apparently, will henceforth be known as “Big Col”. At least it’s not “Ginger lanky bugger”

As they say, Viva Española!

But that would be wrong. Oh god, so wrong.

Tuesday, 5 July 2011

Shock Horror!

There’s a tune that my girlfriend actually likes!

I must have a sit down.

(pours ice into pants)

Ahhhh, that’s better.

Oh dear. I have lost all feeling in the pants.

Monday, 4 July 2011


Does he?


That and wandering around with a fishing rod.

Friday, 1 July 2011


I have the biggest grin on my face imaginable. Because the woman that loves me is the most beautiful one ever. So so so beautiful, tall, sexy, and gorgeous. And she is all mine. And I all hers. Our love, combined, is infinite. All our love, keeps getting better. Always.

Oh God

85,000 horny women stuffed on the metropolitan line….. Woooo weeeee!

Bus to Ealing Broadway baby, then Central and change south.

Or get a beer, and hope for the best.

See you in the morning!!!!!!!!

(Love you!)

Take this! You Cad!

Well, with my beautiful girlfriend off at a Take This concert this evening with her sister, and probably throwing her knickers at a Mr Robbie Coltrane or whoever he is, it’s left to me to hang about the place being a muppet and doing the washing up.

Mind you, we had a perfect night out last night in Chinatown, munching on squids, chicken with IC7, crispy beef things and a nice bottle of Gewürztraminer 2008. Yum. Well, you have to, when celebrating an important occasion, don’t you? And I’ve learned so much about the origins of Charing Cross. She’s very clever, she is. Which is why I advise you never to play trivial pursuit with her, as you’ll never get a bloody go. LOL! Love you baby! XXXX

No angry rants tonight, people. Just me missing my ClareBear. Still, tomorrow will be lovely when we drift down the Thames on a boat made of planks, to have a lovely lunch at Hampton Court, then wombling up again to Putney for a wander around, seeing where she grew up.

Then it’s pasta and surprises at mine later. Will chillies be involved? Hmmmmmmmm. The answer is the same to the question I posed the other day. And I wasn’t disappointed. Oh no.

And not long now until the other journey to a country far far away, of which we know nothing. I just hope I can survive the invasion! LOL. I have my case. Not packed yet. But it will be.

To the future.

To us.

Forever, darling.

Thursday, 30 June 2011

The Deluded are on Strike!

Good, let them keep striking. We don’t need them. They need to learn that they’ve had it too good for too long, funded by a vote-buying, corrupt, debt-wanking Labour government who have pissed so much money up the wall that there simply isn’t any left. And the wall is now all covered in piss stains too.

They raided our private pensions (and are set to do so again) to pay for their cattle’s votes, so now it is high time the public sector felt the pain too.

So go on, stay on strike. I dare you!

A good article above from the Daily Mash people.

And a great money quote:

“If the striker continues to insist that you should pay for his pension and that he should retire five years earlier than you, always say ‘Pardon me?’ rather than ‘Huh?’, ‘Come again?’ or ‘What in the name of shitting fuck are you talking about you delusional, self-serving piss-bucket?’

Wednesday, 22 June 2011

Difficult Conversations….

On Saturday I go up to see my girls very early – need to be up at 5am and being shooed away before 3pm.

I have a somewhat difficult discussion to have with my ex-wife. Things need to be concluded. And they will be.

Wish me well!

Saturday, 18 June 2011

A vision for the future….


A beautiful vista.

One that both of us will walk through, hand in hand.

On our journey, into our future.

Public Sector Strikes

Ok, here’s my main rant of the weekend.


I mean.

Ok, the public sector in certain circumstances may be the best model to deliver a service the customers want and are prepared to pay for: Fire, Police, Army etc.

  • Not education.
  • Not health.
  • Not armies of fucking 1 armed lesbian climate change outreach co-ordinators.
  • Not social services. Definitely not those. Ask Baby P. How well did that work out?

The private sector can provide what people are prepared to pay for. Not forced to pay for. There is a big fucking difference. When did you last go into a supermarket and get cornered by a bearded disabled dwarf lesbian co-ordinator who told you that you were going to fucking well buy 20 large marrows and all the durex lube for £1000 or go to jail?

When was the last time somebody came to your door and said “Would you like to pay for 25 climate change outreach workers?” or “A bunch of idiots down the street are bored and about to kill an old man with a metal pole unless we give in and give them a skating park, would you like to donate £150 or would you like to go to jail?” Did you get asked whether you’d like them taken off the street and thrown into jail? No, the criminals are the victims now. You ponce.

Because that’s all tax is. Lawful theft using force. Don’t pay your council tax, go to jail. Do not pass go. Unless, of course, you are some sort of asylum seeker on benefits. Yes, bring them in. Please culturally enrich my ass.

And then we come to benefits.

Who pays for that?

The public sector?

Do they fuck.

Where does the income that the public sector enjoy come from? Gordon Brown’s hairy arse? Cameron’s minge? Cleggs, well, dangleberries? No, it fucking well comes from the part of the economy that generates wealth. Not the parasitical side. That’s the sad bastards in the private sector who can’t go on fucking strike because they know they’d lose their jobs.

If I were in “powah”, anybody who goes on strike gets fired. No ifs, no buts. If you think your job is so shit that you need to go on strike, then go get another bloody one. I’m sure that person would swap with you.

So I say to all those public sector workers who are outraged at having to live in the real world now that the money has run out, go on strike. For ever. Nobody will miss you. And if they do, then you can come back and get paid more. Because you are delivering a service the paying public are prepared to pay for. The rest, go fuck yourselves.

And have you seen the s-i-z-e of the UNFUNDED public sector pension liabilities? I bet you fucking haven’t a clue. You thought Madoff was a ponzi bastard. You ain’t seen nothing yet.

There is a shitstorm coming. I hope you have good shelter.

It keeps on getting better….

And I know.

Sunday, 12 June 2011

Giggs ‘n’ Slags

Righto. Here’s the “facts” as reported by the Daily Mail. Ahem.

The sister-in-law of Ryan Giggs - with whom the Manchester United player had an eight-year affair - has revealed that she aborted his baby weeks before marrying his brother Rhodri.

Natasha Giggs was given £500 by the cheating footballer towards the cost of the abortion

Hmm. Ok, so maybe only “once” then. Or at least a few times over 8 years…. And £500 quids? What does he think she is, some sort of chavvy slag?

Two weeks later she married Rhodri in Las Vegas. One of the guests was actor Will Mellor - also revealed to have had a one-night stand with the bride 11 years ago.

Ok, a bit of a history then. Twice in 11 years.

The mother-of-two is also said to have had flings with three other Manchester United players.

She is said to have slept with Dwight Yorke, Phil Bardsley and Danny Simpson when they were playing for the United side, it has been claimed by The Sun

Er, ok a few more then. Hell, happens to everybody, doesn’t it?


So, who feels sorry for the poor husband who’s been serially cheated on? ……. Yep, nobody.

Methinks she’s a bit of a slag then. The least she could’ve done would have been to tell her husband and divorce him. Is it that difficult?

Households must fight back against energy price rises, says Chris Huhne

Well, first off, fuck off you mental leftie bastard. You know full well that the reason that prices are going through the damn roof are to do with your fucking mentalist eco bollocks. Wind farms (subsidised), Solar arrays (subsidised) – In the UK for fuck’s sake!, carbon capture (untried and completely fucking useless with nobs on) and the European Carbon Trading scheme (utter shite).

Tell you what, Huhne. Why don’t you just go and kill yourself? Think of all that precious carbon you will be not emitting when dead. Either that or we all rise up and bludgeon your stinking corpse to death.

You really are a complete and total arsehole.

So what’s your solution? “Go get somebody who is cheaper”. You fucknut. You really don’t live in the real world, do you?

Just bend over and pick up that soap in the shower once you get put in jail, eh?


The question……

Mayhap needeth a positive response. And if not, then it is only time until yes. My life is better. Future happiness awaits. I hope. I desire. I love…..

Friday, 10 June 2011

Oh I am

So, am I ready? Am I ready? You're god damned right I am!

I have committed totally and utterly.. And then some more.

New address: cloud9
Phone number: spek taku lar

My heart is flipping over and over all the time - this is what true love is and I am so so happy.


In perpetuum te semperque amabo!

Thursday, 9 June 2011

All Hail To The Duke!

After years and years and years of waiting….. the Duke is back!



Your face, your ass, what's the difference?

It's time to kick ass and chew bubble gum... and I'm all outta gum!

Wednesday, 8 June 2011

North Herts Leisure Centre

Took girls up to the little cafe above the swimming pool for a dinner-y treat, only to be confounded by extreme apostrophe abuse, again!

This time with Italian wraps:



Stupid Warnings

Ok, my big daughter has turned 10. So ex-wifey buys a “I am 10” badge. Now, what do you think the stupid health and safety morons insist on putting onto it?


Yes, apparently it isn’t suitable for children under 36 months.

Now, this begs the question as to why a parent, or any other homicidal psychopath, would give a 3 year old a “I am 10” badge.


Wednesday, 1 June 2011

The Doctor Is In

Luckily, my girlfriend being a doctor and an ‘ologist, she will be able to tend to my medical requirements.






I have no idea why I have said this.*






*aside, yes I do.

Monday, 30 May 2011

Fucking idiots

Apologies for the swearing, but Germany have just announced they are going to close down their economy and become a bunch of stick-rubbing twats by 2022.

Yes, because some disaster has befallen our Japanese fiends, the Germans are now going to go complete Gaia mental.

Good luck with that.

You stupid stupid twats.

Fuck knows how they will keep those pesky light bulbs glowing.

Maybe they can burn some more jews or something like that.

France? Well, they aren’t complete knobheads. Yet……..

Shopping for Tings

I am on cloud 10. Cloud 9 got a bit too busy with smelly people with pull-along wardrobes.

Went shopping today for things. Things were done and dusted. Chosen. Selected. Photographed. Almost pornographed, but I don’t have one of those. At least I don’t think I do.

I am old, those annoying chest hairs keep coming up as completely white. What’s with that? Balls. Um.


Well, in time. In time.






I have no idea if anybody reads my ramblings. But I will still ramble on and on and on…..

Menue’s’s from hell

Oh God.

Oh well, just be warned.


I took my gorgeous girlfriend out for a well-deserved breakfast this morning. Open the menu…. OMG. Instant insanity photo blog issues!

But, the omelette was very lovely and loads and loads of salad etc.

Too much to finish. Even I was full from my double sausage, egg and chips.

But, I must say, it wasn’t as delish as the one she cooked for me the other week. Now that was a delicious omelette. I have never ever tasted anything so lovely. Even my dad may have possibly liked it (without complaining tooo much….) *1

And to be honest, why would you really want to have chips with your omelette?




*1 Actually, he’d have hated it as it’s foreign stuff. And where is the gravy?

Sunday, 29 May 2011



I’m not surprised they’ve had to close, to be honest. Another bunch of illiterate idiots!

Friday, 27 May 2011

FGFGKJGWEKGRWKEURIWTERT!!!!! (Blood Pressure Warning: Sharon Shoesmith is a C**t)

Right, this Sharon Shoesmith cow. I mean. For fuck’s sake. How badly must you fuck up in life to get a kicking and then get into the frame for a huge multimillion pay-out???

Fuck the fuck off! With nobs on!

The judiciary are a bunch of complete and utter cunts. The fact that this brazen bitch has even the guts to contest her dismissal is completely outrageous!!!

She is the boss.

She is the one responsible.

Baby P died a horrendous death.

SHE is responsible for her department’s failure to act.

SHE takes the ultimate and gets sacked.

The Evening Standard says she is in line for a £1,000,000 pay-out.

Seriously, fuck the fucking fuck off!

And people wonder why nobody gives a flying bollock about the legal system. It’s all about the victim. Unfortunately, the “victim” in all cases are the ones responsible for the crimes.

Thursday, 26 May 2011

What a nice day at work that was….

Got up at 5:17am.

Got to work for 7:30am.

Had 30 minutes for lunch.

Left at 20:15pm.

Got home at 21:38pm.

Expected to work again at this point, but quite frankly get thee to bollocks.

I am much too tired and the fact that I’m listening to some uplifting music and having a nice beer to relax, means everything.

Pity I need to wait to tomorrow to see my doctor and the ologist.

As they say, isn’t it? And everything?

How am I still functioning?

Or am I just dreaming the dreams of a dream?

Sunday, 22 May 2011

The Rise of The Witcher

As Geralt of Rivia, the monster-slayer, I must say I have found some more affinity in my life. Ok, it’s just a game, but the whole thing is so polished it looks incredible. Well done to CDProjeckRED.  A true masterpiece of art.

And you get to see nipples!


Ok, facetious, yes, but it is true. Boobies all over the place and swearing like a schoolyard full of Tourette's sufferers. How I giggle.

Anyway, that’s not the point of this rant….

I’m on about somebody who is falsely accused of committing the most heinous of crimes: regicide. And all those he though were his friends turn against him. Except his lover, Triss. She’s the one with the nipples, by the way. Mmmm.


Life. Life is just what you do between being born and when you die. So why fret about all this and that and everything, isn’t it? Just enjoy yourself. A stone!

I certainly am.

I feel alone right now, but will feel happy tomorrow when my girlfriend comes around to give me a cuddle.

Or was it a bowl of cheerios?

Saturday, 21 May 2011

More odd sayings

From the other day, upon waking I said “No, I don’t want a southern fried chicken drumstick, thank you!”

I must be on crack.

Friday, 20 May 2011

Window on the soul…

They say that the eyes are the window to your soul. And, my God, how true that is…..

Every time I gaze upon thee, I see thy soul. And it shines so brightly as to remove all shadows.

We are.

Wednesday, 18 May 2011

Well, time to say…

I’ve met somebody. Not just a somebody. But someone. Someone very special indeed. You know those times where you think your life is a mess and you can never see a way out? Well, I was like that. For quite some time. I put a brave face on it, but I hurt inside.

Now, however, I am the happiest guy alive. Really, I really am. I won’t go into any specifics, but my girlfriend is my guiding light. She ignites my heart like never before. I truly have never felt this way about anybody before. Every time I see her I smile the biggest smile and my heart shines like the brightest star. I cherish every fleeting moment together, and feel lost without her. I need her gentle caresses, cuddles and kisses. I am complete.

We were both lost, but fate has brought us together. Such different lives, but yearning for the one. We will be together forever, for even when the last star has turned to darkness, and the universe is void and cold, we will have one another.

From stars we were born. And unto the stars we will return.

Time to say, publically…

I love you.



To my ex-wife, I wish her all the happiness and excitement that her future beholds. I wish that she will be as happy as I am. She deserves nothing less.

Friday, 13 May 2011

Breakfast Fit For The Gods!

Now this is what I call a breakfast!!!!


Not sure there’s enough bacon though. Only 8 rashers there.

I also skimped on the sausages. There were more in the packet.

See, I’m on a diet!

Tram versus Car

Oh dear. My relaxing evening was somewhat disturbed by a violent bit of metal rending. Seems a twonk in a Ford Ka decided the red light stopping cars crossing the tramline was just something of an advisory notice, and nothing else.


Tram 1 – 0 Ka Idiot.


Took about 10 minutes for the services to arrive, which isn’t too bad I suppose.

Sunday, 8 May 2011

More Sayings…

“No, I haven’t got a knife…”

“Oh, my hand’s all numb and it’s my good hand”

Not Ladybird book



Don’t be going Spanish now!

Down with this sort of thing! Spotted in a Spanish restaurant in East London the other day. I had to stop. I had to.


I don’t know what a FAJITAS’S is/are, but I’m sure it will be pretty rancid and smell of fish.

They are mental.

Monday, 2 May 2011

New series! Deranged sayings from The Angry Ranting Man

“No, don’t make me be a black and white horse….”

I have no idea. Maybe I was on crack.

Saturday, 30 April 2011

Brighton Idiot’s Cannae ‘Spell

I want one of theyre pizza’s.


But why aren’t they selling potatoe’s?


Make some noise, he says, but I got turfed out for stinking the place up!

Omnia vincit amor, et nos cedamus amori

Wednesday, 27 April 2011

Greece Lightning (the White sort)

Well, everybody in Greece should be downing copious quantities of White Lightning cheapo cider. They are well and truly fucked into a bucket.


Markets are demanding 25% interest on 2 year bond purchases. Fucking hell.

Full story sort of here

Ireland and Portugal are next.

Followed by Spain, Italy and us idiots in the UK where the borrowing still rises and there are no cuts whatsoever to government spending.

Actually, why are we:

  • Sending billions to India from the overseas development fund?
  • Giving the EU more money?
  • Fucking chickens?

Friday, 15 April 2011

The End of the Euro?

God, I do hope so.

EU debt costs rise after Ireland downgrade, Greek delays

Borrowing cost for the eurozone's most indebted economies rose on Friday after Moody's cut Ireland's rating to just above "junk" and Greece delayed fleshing out fresh austerity and privatisation plans.


According to the Telegraph. The UK is also up a certain creek with no means of propulsion too, but the idiots here refuse to believe it.

Next up Spain.

And and interesting graph illustrating the market’s expected price for giving Greece a loan. Note the curve:

It seems that the ECB has now resigned to letting Greece fail. While previously any time we had a whopping 2 point drop in one day the ECB would promptly step in and be the buyer of only recourse in peripheral debt, it has been deathly silent today. And as the chart below demonstrates Greek debt is about to go bidless: a par 10 Year note is trading at 62, with the resulting yield now literally going parabolic. And the 2 Year is now at 16.5%.

The above comes from Zero Hedge. Rather illuminating, don’t you think?

Tuesday, 12 April 2011

Give me more & more


I am on cloud 9!

I can’t be happier!

But pity I have to work tomorrow… Sad smile

Sunday, 3 April 2011


Oh No! I’ve been carted off to hospital and been given anti-biotics for my incredibly inflamed and very sore foot. Spent all day yesterday asleep and feel a lot better today but little toe still looks incredibly manky still.

Saturday, 26 March 2011

The Great Unwashed Riot (again…)

These studenty types, eh? And the smelly hippies.

Rioting again!

Police have kettled them, which involves a bizarre combination of hitting them with Russell Hobbs appliances and throwing crisps at them.

Hopefully the smellies will get the message and proceed to eat the crisps off the roads like the animals they are, and perhaps re-consider the fact that there are NO CUTS in government spending AT ALL. Just some rejigging of who gets what. The main beneficiaries of which are the people who have lent them money due to Broon pissing it all up a rope.


And according to the Telegraph article (link above), this is a TUC Protest. See, I quite like those biscuits.

Tuesday, 22 March 2011

What a weekendie!

Zomg! That was mighty fun weekend. Pity it has now ended.

I’ve discovered a lot of new things! For example, did you know that the average man has 491,208 hairs on his left leg? And a woman likes nothing more than an “ironing board”?

Fascinating, captain!

I think I need to sleep.

But, I’m dancing around the room to some tunes! Yes, get the tazer gun out again.

Oh good, a fight

How many fronts are our knackered up armed forces fighting on now?

WTF is all this about?

Replace one nutty loon with a bunch of other nutty loons?


Just leave them to sort their own crap out.

Fewer of our lads landing in Wooton Bassett.

Thursday, 10 March 2011

Missing A certain something

Well, the heating is back on – yay! My home is now nicely and snuggly warm and comfy again. But I’m missing something. And, not to put a too fine a point on it, hungry too. I’ve been down to my “Sainsbury’s Local” and bought a micro-wavable meal for one sad bugger of “Sausages and Mash”. Mmmmm. At least it is meat. And I love eating meaty things. My tongue gets all excited about lots of gravy and salt. But why no chips? You can’t have sausages without chips! OMG! WTF!

Or I could eat a quiche. With olives. And chillies.



Arse biscuits!

Tuesday, 8 March 2011

Ash Wednesday

Well, it’s Pancake Day ™ today, and that means tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. Presumably the ash is related in some way to the burning of pancakes.

Or something.

Anyways, how come you can’t eat bacon butties tomorrow? Or any meat apart from fish, which apparently you can as it’s not really meat or something.

I’m confused.

So 20 bacon butties for me for breakfast I think!

And according to the always-true Wikipedia…

“During the early Middle Ages, meat, eggs and dairy products were generally forbidden. Thomas Aquinas argued that "they afford greater pleasure as food [than fish], and greater nourishment to the human body, so that from their consumption there results a greater surplus available for seminal matter, which when abundant becomes a great incentive to lust”

Seminal matter, huh?


Arrested, for a crime that’s not been committed–the EU Arrest Warrant is wondrous!

Oh, you’ve seen that film with that short ass, haven’t you? Tom Cruise, when he’s not Thetan-ing himself stupid or forcing his wife to give birth out of her bum.

Thought crime. Hmm.

Well, thanks to the great European Arrest Warrant, some bloke is going to get extradited to Spain over a crime they think he might commit sometime in the future.

Am I on crack?

No, but Max Farquar has the details here

And the courts in any EU country can’t hear any evidence (such as “M’lud, this is utter tosh and flibble” or “are they taking the piss or what?”

Mind you, they can extradite you for a crime in another country which isn’t a crime here.

Utterly. Fucking. Outrageous!

Where are my god-damned lampposts!???? And piano wire!!!??

Monday, 7 March 2011

Lonely Tonight

Only me here with my bag of crisps, Sainsbury’s chinese selection (rather yum, actually) and a bottle of Cobra beer. About to retire into empty bed and fidget and f@rt and burp and cough all night.

Tomorrow I have an exciting meeting, followed by another meeting then a meeting at lunchtime followed by more meetings. I will probably have a hypo and die on the floor.

But then, I must be grateful for a job.

I hope Wednesday will be more better-er.

Saturday, 5 March 2011

Funneh old world

Isn’t it?

I mean, here I am sitting on my rocking chair in a slightly cold room typing away on a, for once, clean keyboard, about nothing. But from nothing came everything, in the beginning. And I feel that this is a beginning that will take me to places I have never been to, wildly circumnavigating the abyss of The Old Ones, pinging around the place like a, er, pingy thingy.

What the hell is my brane on about?

Well, I’m happy. Very happy. So there you have it.

Tuesday, 1 March 2011


This must be the most awesome track yet. I am so happy. So contented. So in love with the future. Whatever it may bring*



* for example lots of exciting guy gadgets, proper chillie squid from the local Chinese restaurant and plenty of yes.

Happy Bloke

I’m a happy bloke. What else can I say? Listening to T:AFS. Rapture.

Sunday, 27 February 2011

First Posting from Teh Pad

Hello. I am here.

Well, it certainly was a fun journey down here. All well and good until I’m using the “step free access to the northern line” which seems that if you take the “Northern Line Ticket Hall” entrance doesn’t actually take you to the Northern Line via step free.

Ok, says I after getting down the lift 1 level, I’ll ask this dude in a London Underground uniform.

“Hello!” says me, “Where’s the lift to the Northern Line platforms please?”

“…..” he responds. I have obviously just awakened his brain from sleep mode.

“Er, “ he says, wiping drool from his mouth, “You need to go to the opposite end of the station, mate” He looks yonder. “Oh you can go on the escalator, it’s only a short one”

So off I go to the escalator with my two big cases and rucksack. Just as I’m on it, and trying to arrange said cases a little, the bloody thing judders to a halt and I go arse over tit down 1 step. Now I’ve hurt my shoulder and, more importantly, my pride.

So then it’s tube to London Bridge which, as the sticker says, is also step free access. Yeah, balls. The lift takes you out way down on Borough High Street.

Ok, so just a little walk for me. In theory. Unfortunately, the route from the exit to London Bridge station is along a narrowed path due to building work. And my two cases are wider than the path. ARSE!

So now what, pride-wise I might as well be naked on the road, scraping my arse in the gutter. Picture this, I’m dripping with sweat, pulling along two cases, both of which keep over-turning and me with the right Col face ™ on.

Eventually, in what should have been a 3 minute stroll, I arrive and look for my train…..

…and it’s on time and not packed. So on I get. 18 mins later I am getting off at East Croydon, pulling my cases to the tram stop. Tram arrives. I get on. 7 mins later I am at Teh Pad™

Yay! So a quick run down to Tescos for bedding thingies and I’m all sorted. All I need to do now is to drink the 4 little bottles of beer that my new landlord has left for me as a welcoming gift and then kick back ‘n’ relax….

Friday, 25 February 2011

Gah! Gah! Gaaaaaaaah!!!

Busy packing stuff up for my big move back to Lon Don tomorrow. Actually, it’s not London at all but leafy Surrey. Ok, it’s Croy Don. A nice big room, kitchen type thing with sofa and telly (as well as pot noodle storage facilities).

Ah, well.

Ave atque vale to my former existence up in Hertfordshire.

As nice as it was, and I did have wonderful times with my two little gorgeous girls, things transpired as they tend to do and I’m leaving to go discover myself again. Odd, really. All these years. And for the last 2 months I’ve discovered a lot of things. I have discovered so much that I never believed I was. I have found friends I never thought to look for. I have found the confidence in myself that I was sure was never there, but was. And I have found the chance to love myself*.

Still, the future is there for those of us brave enough to grasp it. And both my hands are full.

Next time I post will be from Col’s Pad ™



* no, not like that you dirty feckers!

Wednesday, 23 February 2011

Move your ass!

Well, saw a place in what is known as “East Croydon” which, I hear, is “South” of “Teh Rivah” in the sunny hamlet of Lon Don.

So that’s where I’ll be for the foreseeable future.

Which, I might add, is looking rather good. Well, very very good actually.

It’s in the “nice” part of Croy Don, which means far fewer stabbings, murders and unfortunate accidents with pot noodles.


And the little place I’m renting will have a rocking chair.


Best whip out my knitting and get going on that enormous hat I’ve always wanted!

If you want to stay over, please send £5 to me care of Teh Idiot. Hah hahahahhaa. Insane screaming.

Monday, 7 February 2011

He’s off on one again

Bibble bibble wobble etc!!!!

Saturday, 15 January 2011

David Cameron is Honest

Yes, after just rewatching his New Year’s message to the nation, I feel I now was giving him a bad press before.

Listen to his words.

You’ll feel much better

Streaker FAIL

Oh this will have you laughing your danglies off!!!


Sunday, 2 January 2011

Lord Monckton rulez!

A very good and very worth watching lecture on the lies and dissemination that is “global warming”

It’s New Year!

Yay! I’ve been going for 4 years! God, that’s depressing. I’ve made major inroads into the Blogo-sphere-thing. I have at least a, um, 2 or 3 regular readers. However, none of them actually leave any comments. That and the 20 million people who seem to know me but all live in Nigeria and want to give me 5 MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS, all in capitals, so it must be real.


Anyway, here are my NYPs:

1) Another Euro panic, with the EU trying to grab even more power. No country will leave the EURO but the UK will meekly borrow more money we don’t have in order to prop up profligate socialist paradises….

2) Ireland elect a new government who will slavishly follow what the last lot of useless gobshites signed up to re ECB/IMF,

3) “Climate Change” continues, with more fucking twat taxes hiked up on the meek UK public. Nobody notices. 2011 winter starts earlier and even more snow.

4) EU carbon policies close more UK power stations. Pensioners freeze to death in the thousands as the windmills don’t work. Nobody cares.

5) Vince Cable gets eviscerated by crack whores.

6) The average price of a UK train ticket per mile now exceeds the cost of going to the moon. Daily Mail explodes.

7) Students riot over nothing they understand and are viciously Kettled by the police again. Student Union raises “enforced cleanliness” as a human rights abuse at European Court. Union Rep not allowed in to present case due to infringing EU directive of armpit stink. A sole student realises than crapping on important British monuments isn’t the best way to raise public sympathy for the cause, shortly before being bludgeoned to death for showing free will and independent thinking. Daily Mail is happy.

8) UK interest rates raised to 5% by August. Nobody joins dots between QE and hugely inflated import prices.

9) Daily Mail explodes over Swine Flu imported by Filthy Foreigners on Benefits.

10) Coalition collapses following discovery of Vince Cable’s eviscerated body and Ian Duncan Smith’s DNA all over the place.

11) EU Power Grab doesn’t force a referendum. Immigration causes Daily Mail to appoint Achmed Al-Alababilibil as new editor. Daily Mail calls for Sharia law.

12) Everything goes to hell in a handcart. Nobody cares. As they have all frozen to death from not being able to afford 900% unilateral increase in energy prices to fight “Climate Change”

13) Chris Hune ends up in last remaining Mental Asylum, shortly before it is closed and turned into a Mosque.