Saturday, 26 March 2011

The Great Unwashed Riot (again…)

These studenty types, eh? And the smelly hippies.

Rioting again!

Police have kettled them, which involves a bizarre combination of hitting them with Russell Hobbs appliances and throwing crisps at them.

Hopefully the smellies will get the message and proceed to eat the crisps off the roads like the animals they are, and perhaps re-consider the fact that there are NO CUTS in government spending AT ALL. Just some rejigging of who gets what. The main beneficiaries of which are the people who have lent them money due to Broon pissing it all up a rope.


And according to the Telegraph article (link above), this is a TUC Protest. See, I quite like those biscuits.

Tuesday, 22 March 2011

What a weekendie!

Zomg! That was mighty fun weekend. Pity it has now ended.

I’ve discovered a lot of new things! For example, did you know that the average man has 491,208 hairs on his left leg? And a woman likes nothing more than an “ironing board”?

Fascinating, captain!

I think I need to sleep.

But, I’m dancing around the room to some tunes! Yes, get the tazer gun out again.

Oh good, a fight

How many fronts are our knackered up armed forces fighting on now?

WTF is all this about?

Replace one nutty loon with a bunch of other nutty loons?


Just leave them to sort their own crap out.

Fewer of our lads landing in Wooton Bassett.

Thursday, 10 March 2011

Missing A certain something

Well, the heating is back on – yay! My home is now nicely and snuggly warm and comfy again. But I’m missing something. And, not to put a too fine a point on it, hungry too. I’ve been down to my “Sainsbury’s Local” and bought a micro-wavable meal for one sad bugger of “Sausages and Mash”. Mmmmm. At least it is meat. And I love eating meaty things. My tongue gets all excited about lots of gravy and salt. But why no chips? You can’t have sausages without chips! OMG! WTF!

Or I could eat a quiche. With olives. And chillies.



Arse biscuits!

Tuesday, 8 March 2011

Ash Wednesday

Well, it’s Pancake Day ™ today, and that means tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. Presumably the ash is related in some way to the burning of pancakes.

Or something.

Anyways, how come you can’t eat bacon butties tomorrow? Or any meat apart from fish, which apparently you can as it’s not really meat or something.

I’m confused.

So 20 bacon butties for me for breakfast I think!

And according to the always-true Wikipedia…

“During the early Middle Ages, meat, eggs and dairy products were generally forbidden. Thomas Aquinas argued that "they afford greater pleasure as food [than fish], and greater nourishment to the human body, so that from their consumption there results a greater surplus available for seminal matter, which when abundant becomes a great incentive to lust”

Seminal matter, huh?


Arrested, for a crime that’s not been committed–the EU Arrest Warrant is wondrous!

Oh, you’ve seen that film with that short ass, haven’t you? Tom Cruise, when he’s not Thetan-ing himself stupid or forcing his wife to give birth out of her bum.

Thought crime. Hmm.

Well, thanks to the great European Arrest Warrant, some bloke is going to get extradited to Spain over a crime they think he might commit sometime in the future.

Am I on crack?

No, but Max Farquar has the details here

And the courts in any EU country can’t hear any evidence (such as “M’lud, this is utter tosh and flibble” or “are they taking the piss or what?”

Mind you, they can extradite you for a crime in another country which isn’t a crime here.

Utterly. Fucking. Outrageous!

Where are my god-damned lampposts!???? And piano wire!!!??

Monday, 7 March 2011

Lonely Tonight

Only me here with my bag of crisps, Sainsbury’s chinese selection (rather yum, actually) and a bottle of Cobra beer. About to retire into empty bed and fidget and f@rt and burp and cough all night.

Tomorrow I have an exciting meeting, followed by another meeting then a meeting at lunchtime followed by more meetings. I will probably have a hypo and die on the floor.

But then, I must be grateful for a job.

I hope Wednesday will be more better-er.

Saturday, 5 March 2011

Funneh old world

Isn’t it?

I mean, here I am sitting on my rocking chair in a slightly cold room typing away on a, for once, clean keyboard, about nothing. But from nothing came everything, in the beginning. And I feel that this is a beginning that will take me to places I have never been to, wildly circumnavigating the abyss of The Old Ones, pinging around the place like a, er, pingy thingy.

What the hell is my brane on about?

Well, I’m happy. Very happy. So there you have it.

Tuesday, 1 March 2011


This must be the most awesome track yet. I am so happy. So contented. So in love with the future. Whatever it may bring*



* for example lots of exciting guy gadgets, proper chillie squid from the local Chinese restaurant and plenty of yes.

Happy Bloke

I’m a happy bloke. What else can I say? Listening to T:AFS. Rapture.