Wednesday, 23 April 2008

Solutions Solutions Solutions

I was wandering around in my local Tescos tonight and came across something I'd not yet noticed. A large sign saying "Italian Meal Solutions". What does this mean, exactly?

Perhaps the marketing department of Tescos is barking insane?

"Hey, JimBob, what do we do about the guys wandering around looking for something to eat, say like a pizza? Can we call it 'The Pizza Department?'

"Heck no, Zack, we need to put some buzzwords in there!"

"How about 'Italian Pizza For Lazy Fat Gits Who Can't Be Bothered To Cook'?"

"No, that would alienate our core clients. Namely those fat lazy gits who can't be bothered to cook and would prefer just to microwave everything to death! And the sign would be too big."

"Hey, how about 'Italian Meal Solutions'?"

"Solutions? What's it solutionizing?"

"Er, pizzas?"

"Sounds good to me. Let's rock!!!"

So we've got large trucks with "Supply Chain Solutions" as their catchphrase and now Tescos has gone mental and is trying to put solutions in for our food. It's food, for crying out loud! Hey, I'm hungry! What's the solution? Eat something, you prick!

And what's the deal with having a "catchphrase" or whatever you want to call this particular marketing gimick, on everything? Can't we just have "Bob The Builder" without having, in italics, "Yes We Can" underneath it?

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