Friday, 29 August 2008

Bin Nazis

Well, my wife (tm) has just experienced the new bin crew. The old bin crew (who we gave little gifts from our girls, like chocolates at Easter, and cards at Christmas) have all buggered off to better jobs.

A new crew is on the scene and they are a bunch of Nazi fuckwits.

They turned up around 10am and upon seeing a neighbour putting the last bit of rubbish in their bin said "No, we can't take your bin, mate. You didn't put it out at 7am". WTF?!

Listen up, you contemptible little shits. You are binmen. You are there to wheel a green bin to your truck, press a button, wait 10 seconds and then wheel the empty bin back to where you got it from. You are not there to make our lives crap. We pay your wages!

Wednesday, 27 August 2008

Milliband Threatens Russia

(Pause for audience laughing themselves sick)

Yes, our wonderful "Home Secretary", Mr David Milliband has stepped up to the plate and told Russia in no uncertain terms he has
pledged more action against Russia. "In all international institutions, we will need to review our relations with Russia."

Well, I bet they are all shitting themselves in the Kremlin over that one.

And what does this little turd of a man propose to do if Russia doesn't have its relationship "reviewed"?


As for the consequences of Russia's actions, Mr Miliband said he believed that Moscow is now "less trusted and less respected". He warned against the "tragedy" for Russia of mourning the Soviet Union's collapse and being trapped in history.

Trapped in history. Fuck. I almost crapped myself. How can he be so mean and nasty?

And the other thing I want to know is where is this leftie anti-war protesting over Russia's invasion? Maybe they are all silent because they support it?

Wednesday, 20 August 2008

Weirdie beardy passengers

I'm sitting behind a group of very animated bearded Muslims from
someplace else. I've watched enough documentaries to recognize Arabic.
Very very animated with lots of mentions of "Amerika" and the
occasional "Allahu Akbar" being shouted. Luckily they don't have any
rucksacks so I am probably unlikely to be blown up today.

Tuesday, 19 August 2008


Well, how low can we sink in the quest for "reality tv" eh? That derranged woman, "Jade Goody", being told she has cancer. I mean, come on. Who is sadder? The people making this show or the people watching it? What's next, live executions?

Thursday, 14 August 2008

Another day another dollar

Well as today comes to a close and I sit on the train on the way home
I really must do two things:

1) cancel my AA breakdown cover as it is bloody expensive and we need
to cut down on all non essential expenditure; and

2) buy some dollars before the pound falls any further. Wife is 40
soon and I am taking her and the kids to Florida for a once in a
lifetime holiday. The pound is falling faster than Gordon brown's
popularity (and that's saying something!!!!!)

3) learn to count.

Ho hum!

Monday, 11 August 2008

Russia vs Georgia

Well, on the one hand we have a huge millitary power kicking the shit out of a much much smaller country. Nothing wrong with that, as such. Always best to be on the winning side. However, what annoys me is the limp response from the new "superpower", the EUssr. What a miserable bunch of flacid idiots. On the one hand we have the French, who have already given up to West Bromwich Albion (2nd reserves), and the Germans who are so emasculated and pathetic that Merkel only frightens herself when she looks in the mirror.

The UK? Well, our armed forces are so overstretched and incredibly underfunded that the only "credible" threat we could pose to the Russians is to nuke them (which we won't, and they know it). Plus we'd probably miss and hit Skegness instead. And why can't we have a full time "defence" secretary? Is defence of the realm that low down in our priorities? And what happened to the much better moniker "Secretary for War"? That's title with BALLS!

So, Georgia. Sorry. But as we are a bunch of appeasing surrender monkeys (who eat cheese), you're going to have to all die.

I think even Neville Chamberlain would be ashamed. And that's saying something.

A good quote from "the lone voice" here:

The BBC reported events as "Russia enters Georgia." a case of:
Russia enters.
Israel occupies.
US invades.

Reciprocity is good!

Saturday, 9 August 2008

Illiteracy @ Tesco!

Well, I have this thing about the correct use of the apostrophe. But this is something I never think I would see: Tescos have apparently employed a bunch of illiterate lunatics to promote their stupid "green" campaign.

So stupid are they that not only was this sign submitted for publishing, but that it also got past the crack "advertising and communications" team. They must be on crack.

I must have a wander around to the fruit and vegetables section next time I'm in. I may need to pick up some apple's, banana's and other fruit's.

Monday, 4 August 2008

Idiot Town Planners


Today's rant will be long and full of gratuitous swearing. The subject is idiot town planners.

I live in a little town called Baldock, which rests in the north of Hertfordshire. The main road is a wide thoroughfare with plenty of parking around the ancient market square. Shops, restaurants and pubs festoon this road. And a whopping huge tescos up the south end of the town. More on this later.

The local twats at the council are not happy with this thriving little town. They want to kill it to deth. Like a frog. So, under the guise of making it "green" and "pedestrianised" they are basically going to close the ample close-to-the-shops parking and generally make right pigs arse about the whole project.

Here's the plan: The bit around the memorial is where the restaurants are. Further down are cafes and whatnot. To the north are takeaways, a bank and butchers etc. Not bad so far. Almost normal.

This is view from the "remodelled roundabout" of the map to the bottom left (ish). See, plenty of parking for the restuarants and the chippy.

And this is a view from the other way (bottom left to top right). See plenty of parking, lots of trees, wide roads, not much traffic. Ideal.

Not if you are a local council planning nazi shithead it isn't. A thriving town? Fucking strangle the bastard, they say. Remove the parking. Replace it with "different parking" and drive every visitor to use the large tesco car park further down the map. Maybe they'll say "Sod it, let's shop in Tesco rather than march 1/3 mile down the road".

Talking of Tesco, walking further down the map, on the left hand side if you were, here's what the new style parking will look like. All rather swish, with the newly laid tarmac and shiny kerbs isn't it. And look yonder in the distance. A bus stop.

And, this will become apparently clear why this image is next, here's a lamppost. To hang town planners from. The gits.

Things to note. 1) It's not in the fucking road. 2) Er, nobody hanging from it yet.

Just after the bus-stop we come across this monstrosity. I mean, for fuck's sake, what's going on here?

I mean, the lamppost is in the middle of the fucking parking area. Did nobody even stop to question this? Were the subcontracting idiots chosen by the council to do the work not ring them up in their plush offices and ask, "Er, Guv. 'scuse me bein' a bit dim an' all, but do you really want this lamppost in the middle of the feckin' road or what?"

What a waste of bloody money!

But from Tesco's point of view, this could be a fantastic opportunity to see the rest of the independent shops in my town close. No parking? No custom, basically.

Our council is Liebour? No, it's Tory. You'd expect something different wouldn't you? But in this EUssr climate, would you really?

Get some nooses ready! We've got lampposts to fill!

Saturday, 2 August 2008

Chavtastic Music!

Just sitting on a bench at Stevenage railway station waiting for the family to return from "Oop North" and I noticed a bit of typical chav behaviour. On the other platform were a group of young male chavs who were, for some reason, playing the latest Chav music not through a shoulder-mounted ghetto blaster like in my day. No, they were playing the music through their little tinny mobile phones. It sounded, well, shite.

But that wasn't the weirdest thing. The weirdest thing was that all four of them were playing different music. FFS.

Here's a pic of them:

Friday, 1 August 2008

Tesco cuts recycling incentive

Prior to just recently, our local Tescos had been giving out 1 "point" for every 8 things recycled. You could recycle your collossal plastics collection, bottles, cans etc and get points. And what did those make? Well, a very small amount of cash back, but welcome.

Now, as I drove past tonight on way to buy the essentials such as crisps and a pot noodle, I see that they are now only giving points for recycled cans. Well, stuff all that. I shall now throw my plastic bags, bottles and whatnot into baby polar bear enclosures at the local zoo instead.

And have you seen the price of beef? A cut of "Tesco Quality" beef was going to set me back about £19. Sod off. You're having a laugh.

And anyway, I hope that our local Tescos "deli counter" doesn't get shut down for a month due to a fly infestation again. That would be unfortunate.