Sunday, 19 October 2008


Getting more and more excited about our Big Florida Vacation which is only a couple of weeks away now.

For our rental villa we've received the "rules" and on one page we have the rules around bin collection. Believe it or not, they get their bins emptied twice a week!

Fantastic stuff!

Here it is once a fortnight. If you are lucky and not left your bin lid ajar by 0.01 degrees.

The other rule is that you shouldn't use the pool when there's a thunderstorm going on. Stuff that. If I want to swim in my suit of armour in the middle of a thunderstorm while flying a kite on a copper "string" then I bloody well will do!

Cyclists are idiots!

Yesterday I took my 7 year old daughter down to the park. This involved crossing a relatively busy road in our little town. Get to the crossing, press the button. The lights go red and the green man thing appears, along with beeping. This means that we can cross. So we start crossing.

I look around and see 1 stopped car and a cyclist, who is about 30 feet away from the stop line. No problem.

I'm half way over the road when the cyclist shoots past behind me, with my 7 year old shouting "He didn't stop, Daddy!"

Cyclists are a bunch of twats. They should all be shot. And then stuffed down a drain. A menace. The more that get run over and killed the better!

Saturday, 11 October 2008

Mother gives kids alcohol on school walk

You are a mum. Your 13 year old daughter is going to go on a charity walk for her local school. What do you pack her for food/drink for the arduous 7 mile stroll?

Would it be:

a) A packet of biscuits, 2 cans of coke and an apple;
b) 2 packets of crisps, a peanut butter sandwich and a bottle of orange squash; or
c) No fucking food. 1 bottle of vodka, 3 bottles of wine and 2 alcopops.

Guess what this horrid mother did?

Yes, isn't it marvellous? Of course, she didn't buy it for her daughter alone; she had 2 friends with her. So that makes it all fine and dandy.

Before setting off, they clubbed their pocket money together and asked Mrs Jones [The Mum] to buy them alcohol for the trek

Now, call me old fashioned, but WTF? Do you think that if you had asked your parents for alcohol at this age you would have received nothing less than a clout?

In summary: WTF??????????

Paedophile strangled : Police to spend loads to catch Vigilante

From today's Mail comes the story about a sad lonely old paedo who accidentally got strangled possibly in a revenge attack.

Now, hands up who wants their council tax money wasted on this police investigation. Surely the money would be better spent investigating something more worthwhile. Like the woman involved in my next topic.

Back to the paedo....

Detective Chief Inspector Steve Strong, of Norfolk Police, said: 'The investigation into the death continues and officers are following up a number of lines of inquiry.'


"I'd much rather watch EastEnders though. The Fucker's dead and he was an evil little bastard so who gives a shit anyway?" he added (not)

Wednesday, 8 October 2008

I'd rather have the cash, you bastards!

So our hapless badger chancellor and his rather bendy prime "monster", Mr Cyclops, have pissed £500,000,000,000 up the pub wall again. According to the Mail, this will cost us taxpayers around £16k per head.

Me, I'd rather he gave me a tax cut of £16k. I could then spend this with UK firms who would make a profit and put the money into a bank.

But oh no, let's not do it the easy way. Give the banks lots of cash (via a preference share injection). How did the market react to this wonderful rescue plan? A fucking plummet.

As J.K. Galbraith said of the 1929 crash, “Cause and effect run from the economy to the stock market, never the reverse. In 1929, the economy was headed for trouble,”

Brown and his impotent chancellor of the badgers are trying to fix the former. They should be looking at the latter.


And we closed the FTSE 100 index today lower than when the Labourists seized power in 1997. End to boom and bust, you floppy haired one-eyed pisser?

Tuesday, 7 October 2008

A Recipe for disASSter

Here's the recipe, if you want to try it out at home:

500g of chicken breast
4 pieces of bread (or rolls)
1 jalapeño chillie
4 Naga Jolokia chillies.
2 gallons of milk.
47 loo rolls.

Leave all chillies in the fridge for around 2 weeks until they have dried out.
Cut chicken into bits.
Put bread (or rolls) into blender and make lots of fresh breadcrumbs.
Throw away the jalapeño chillie. That's for wusses.
Put the 4 Naga Jolokia chillies into blender and blend. The breadcrumbs will take on a firey appearance.
Put breadcrumbs and chillies into plastic box.
Add chicken (one bit at a time) and shake to cover with breadcrumbs. You will need a lid.
Put breaded chicken on cooking rack.
Cook for 30 minutes @ 200 C in oven.

To consume:
Eat one.
Utilise milk to remove burning sensation in mouth.
Eat another. Repeat.

WARNING: Do not consume any liquid apart from Milk. This would be bad.

Next day:
Utilise 47 loo rolls and walk like a cowboy for 7 years.

Water Load of Old Bollocks

They are at it again, our wonderous Government. Fed up with all those nasty price rises, fellow consumers? Well the Government are about to fuck you again with massive hikes in water bills, compulsory metering, as told here.

Some choice bits:

Hilary Benn is calling for compulsory metering and price rises in a effort to drive water consumption down by a fifth.

He says that the current daily consumption of 150 litres is unsustainable and should be reduced to 120 litres per person by the year 2030

Crazy environmentalist cretin, isn't he. I mean not only does he have a girl's name, but he's acting like a big hairy arsehead.

Now, remind me. What's the percentage of, say London's water supply, that is lost due to leaky pipes? 10%? 20%? 50%? All of it?

Well, according to this article, it varies by company, but in total around 3.6 billion litres are lost. Each day. Yes, this about that. Each day. Fucking alot, isn't it?

So, how many people in the UK? Let's say 60m. So at 150 litres per day per person that makes consumption of around 9bn. Assuming that everybody uses the same, which we don't. So 9bn is way way high. But good enough for my argument.

Ok, so 9bn litres a day. And the water companies are wasting 3.6bn.

Why don't we concentrate on the leaks instead? Oh no, let's go and punish the consumers and fuck them up good, say the Government Eco Wankers.

Get the rope. I know where the lamppposts are!!!!!

Monday, 6 October 2008


Oh my word!

Let's get all the gays tattooed! Yes. Indeed.

Just listen to the outrage.

Now, how about the tricky decision whether to throw gays off a mountain or just stone them to death. Or both. Yes. Those were the tenants of the "religion" of Islam. And I apologise for capitalising that.